Well the last entry was quite something wasnt it!
Where was my head at? Im not sure but I can tell you that it is pretty much in the same place.
When I awoke this morning I was still knackered – I mustve stayed up till god knows what time writing and generally trying to find some piece of mind. I cant remember if I dreamt last night … so at least no nightmare – who needs those when you are living one!
So today was put aside for trying to unpack and settle in. So up I rose and emptied my bags and took in the other stuff which I had left in my car. Laid it all out and thought to myself – “Where the fuck am I going to put it all” – There is just not enough drawers here and I dont have one single wardrobe either.
The owner of this place keeps a multitude of cats and I havent a clue which one is which or wether they all belong to him or there are some strays that tag along for the craic. Well when I opened the door to get the stuff from my car – one of them darted inside before I could stop it. Jesus christ its an ugly cat. It has a face like a monkey. I managed to catch it and through it the fuck out.
I then set about configuring my macbook and iphone to take the wifi here – wasnt too difficult. Then when that was done I decided to use Facetime properly for the first time. Who did I contact? Well I have only one person to contact in the whole world and thats my mother. It was good to see her … quite emotional to tell you the truth (but I didnt let that be known of course!) She is worried about me – apparently some fucking bank letter was sent to her address – it was meant for me – apparently my account had gone into its overdraft and as I wasnt paying anything in for ages they were naturally concerned that I was never gonna give the money back. But thats no problem as the day before I came here I transferred all the money from my other accounts together into that one – so all in all I have 1 Grand to my name.
Fuck knows if I will ever manage.
I still havent put my clothes away – im taking my time with the small stuff as I know I have to tackle the big stuff as soon as all thats sorted out. And what big stuff might that be. Well, A JOB, LEARNING THE LANGUAGE and my seemingly SPIRALLING DESCENT INTO SELF DOUBT/SELF HATRED/SELF DEFEATISM.
Fuck I hate my mind.
If im honest, these last 2 years have been nothing but walking over hot coals into the gaping mouth of madness.
Im off to sort my clothes out.
I think later my landlord wants me to sort out some problems they have with their computer set up – at least that might occupy my mind.