I didnt get round to posting a journal entry yesterday so I am catching up and including it into todays.
Strange couple of days to be honest, a Sunday and a Monday, historically Ive never liked then – God knows why.
Anyway, Sunday morning I endeavoured to get at least one strand of my shit together and reserved a place on the French course. Im pleased I did … even-though its going to cost the equivalent of 380 quid of my ever dwindling funds – at the very least it has given me something to aim for and perhaps feel a bit attached to the real world whatever that maybe. Anyhow, the next step is to go in and do this face to face test which I have been told they will contact me very soon. I must admit that I feel a fair bit of trepidation regarding this because … um because … shit! I suppose im a little shy … well no, lets be honest – I do have a bit of social phobia that seems to rear its ugly head from time to time. And what with having to deal with a new language it only serves to compound matters. Ho Hum. Suppose Im just going to have to get on with it. Sunday Afternoon I was struck by that good old “What the fuck am I doing” feeling and just got out of my digs and went for a walk along the side of the autoroute until I reached a town. Much to my surprise it was absolutely packed with people – it was market day and seeming a large proportion of Geneva dwellers descend on this place to pick up cheaper supplies. While I was their I began to get the idea that I should get some shit and make my favourite -Scotch Broth. So I did – and managed to pick up a wee side of beef for pretty cheap even compared ti UK prices. Got my vegetables too. Like I say the place was packed and it was a good atmosphere – I had a glimmer of being on holidays past and walking through markets and it made me momentarily feel happy. Then I thought … wait a minute … im HERE … living it … alone … with fuck all. Oh dear, and that kind of led me to think about the women I have been on holiday with and my head kinda spiralled and I immediately did an about turn and walked back to my digs to get the stock on for the soup. At night I listened to a few podcasts (Collins & Herring if youre interested) and fell asleep not feeling anything.
Today … I got the bit between my teeth and started my Michel Thomas French Language Courses again. The first three are now complete and I will endeavour to do one or two more tonight. Now this shouldnt be sniffed at. I have actually worked my way through ALL of these at a time in the past but didnt keep it up … and there was a huge mental block screaming “WHY THE FUCK AM I DOING THESE AGAIN! CANT YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU LEARNT!” … but I cracked on with it as I really need to get a sound solid base to build on. Oh … and I need to not make a prick of myself at this face to face exam thing.
Please allow me not to make a prick out of myself and walk away from it actually looking forward to it starting in earnest!
One thing I am thinking about it is what story I give … my reasons for being here are almost non existent – how do you say “Washed up” in French?
Anyway … I spent a few hours finishing the broth off today and as usual its ace. A great CHEAP thing Scotch Broth is.
If only all life was like this id be made.