Day 26 has been a long slow whisper of loneliness in my bad ear … Bloody Hell! That sounds like the lyric of a Tom Waits song.
Again I woke up with that wretched feeling that seems to descend on me while I sleep.
I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
But then again … I would as at least then I would know that real pain and suffering would be getting dealt to those who deserved it.
Nah! Scratch that … I dont have enemies.
I dont have anyone.
Trying to lose that morning affliction is like pedalling a very old stiff bike uphill … sometimes i make good progress and as soon as I think its lifting it seems to roll downhill against my will.
Heres a tip scientists. Now I KNOW you can sort this one out as I saw a programme on it once. And dont worry about the ethics of it ok. So heres what you need to do … work out a way where you can wire a button to the brain that when pressed instantly relieves ad lifts feelings of depression, despair, etc, etc. YOU WOULD MAKE TRILLIONS.
Now I would definitely sign up for that kind of medical study.
Get my head open and stick those probes in quick doctor!
Oh, I would have one request … can you fit the button somewhere on my body where I can press it with no one noticing? My palm? My thigh? no sod that! Stick it right on my forehead where everyone could see it. I wanna be proud of it.
YEAH! LOOK AT ME! I AM THE ULTIMATE BEING >>> SADNESS WILL SOON BE A THING OF THE PAST!!!
I do need to look at this ever worsening morning thing though … in all honesty its beginning to worry me very deeply.
Anyway … all I did today was make soup from almost thin air. Beat that Gordon Ramsay! SHit I need money and fast … this poverty diet is great but im beginning to feel tired all the time and find it difficult to concentrate.
And that my imaginary friends is no good for studying and learning a new language. Oh no.
I dont think im ever going to get it.
I have studied and practiced and tried and scratched and pulled hair in french for hours today and NOTHING has been retained in my stupid skull.
I am defeated by it all.
WTF am I doing?
I am actually SO tempted to go out and get a bottle of whisky and nullify myself at the moment.
Thank christ its too late to get a hold of one.