Day 32 – Hello December

Today was one of contemplation, a little progress and study.

But mostly contemplation though.

What was my little progress? Well there are very few people who would see it as progress in any sense but they are fools as they dont understand the frame of mind I am in.

Its quite simple – all I have done is absorb all the info from various sources and came to a decision regarding what the hell I am going to do with my car. I have come to the decision that its ok to use it for 6 months here. Then I shall worry about it … bloody ridiculous situation anyway! I thought Europe was all together now … if it is, why the hell should it cause so much problems if I wanna drive my UK registered, Uk insured, Uk taxed, UK mot’d and thoroughly UK serviced car eh??? It bloody well shouldnt cause a problem! I see french registered cars in the UK all the time and I can bet you that they dont give a shit. So im taking a leaf out of their books and i aint gonna worry about it.

Paperwork Fascists the lot of them.

Oh! And winter tyres? shall I buy and fit some???

NewImage

NOPE!

Cause its illegal in Switzerland not to have them … but it aint Illegal in France!

So screw you pricks.

HaHaHa.

Just watch me get pulled over in the next few days by the Gendarmerie and see me change my tune! … Ach! Just let me have a little bit of luck yeah?

The study was in French of course … I dont wanna discuss it … apart from the fact that the french word for birth is naissance … and thats where renaissance comes from.

Jesus! Am I stupid? I never realised that before.

I wish I had because I see myself as a bit of a renaissance man.

My contemplation was deep, heavy and quite enervating.

I need to do two things.

1. I need to get a job – for a multitude of reasons – not just for money.

2. I need to stop thinking about the past … I mean a complete wipe.

The SLIGHTEST ping of my synapses can send me spiralling out of control … the tiniest and most obscure recollection can hammer me into oblivion. Sometimes I wonder if it was possible to submit to a treatment by those guys in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, would I go for it? Yeah … probably.

What an instrument the brain is eh?

I doubt it will ever be fully fathomed out.

How can an entirely emotional pain become so physical, become so real? … as if it exists within you, seperate from you and is not at your command? Its unstoppable. How can you stop a thought? Ho Hum.

My blogs of late have become a little jaded.

My psyche of late has also become a little jaded.

I dunno.

The great big nothing is looming and forming in the sky and at times … at times …. oh, I dont know!

But there is a noise that is still buried deep in my brain … its all angular, sharp edged and heavier than steel … its just guitar, bass & drums – it should be futile but its potent – its the sound of your soul being sand-blasted clean … and theres a voice there too … its Henry Rollins barking his orders out in the role of lifes meanest drill sergeant … and here is the task he details –

Tumblr luoqf9brDe1qffv5do1 500

What do you do when you wanna get over?

What do you do when you wanna get through?

Deal with it.

Thats what you do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know, I know, I know.

Its just rock music.

Its just words.

Blah, Blah, Blah.

But there is a trust and an integrity to it that I have yet to find in at least 85% of other humans.

Yeah whatever!

Listen … have a quick peek at my Tumblr account (The link is in the menu navigation bar up top)

If you dont know what Tumblr is yet then dont worry. Personally, its where I keep all the shiny, interesting, and boat floating things I come across on the internet. Its quite arty. Its a little peek into my mind I suppose!

Perhaps you should start one of your own?

Its easy.

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4 comments on “Day 32 – Hello December

  1. Really nice post, again I admire your ability to spew out your feelings and emotions. I’m also more than a little envious. Here are a few thoughts….
    1 – ALL bureaucrats are pricks, no matter then country.
    2 – Controlling our thoughts is almost impossible, controlling the feelings and emotions we associate with these thoughts is do-able. I like people who go with their emotions and show their feelings…just as you do here in your blog. What I have no use for is indifference.
    3 – Music is one of the most powerful forms of communication ever. It’s universal and primal.

    • Many thanks Alex … one question though, and im gonna shoot straight from the hip – “controlling the feelings and emotions we associate with these thoughts is do-able” – What do you suggest? Give me something that works. Honestly … I would like to know.

  2. Whoa! That’s a huge request. I’m not big on giving advise…lol…apparently I’m much better at firing out overly simplistic statements. Ok, in my opinion, how we feel is one of the few things we actually have control over. When thoughts come along we make a choice as to how we react to that thought, primarily in how we allow that thought to make us feel. It helps if you can imagine yourself as being separate from your mind…two completely different entities. Your mind does it’s thing and at times you can put it to work for you, but it also has the ability to have thoughts which you don’t necessarily want it to have and which can be triggered by any number of things. Your mind has no feelings, no emotion, it’s a machine, a tool, it processes. It sounds kind of schizophrenic, but not really. Using your title here as a perfect example…part animal part machine. You’re the animal, your mind is the machine. The key is for the animal to put the machine to work. Allow the machine to work, allow it to process, but do not allow it to jerk you the fuck around. Creativity, inspiration, curiosity, beauty, elegance, love are all functions of the animal, just as is pain, hate and anger. The mind, or the machine, simply processes. The animal is in full control of how he/she reacts to that process.

    • Yeah … I threw a curve ball at you with that. And yeah, I can see what you mean. Your reply has brought a lot of thought to me and I appreciate that greatly – Im going to post a blog regarding it all very soon. Thanks for the reply Alex

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